Sunshine On A Cloudy Day

Her beautiful little sing-song voice makes me smile my biggest smile. When she rubs my leg and says “Good Boy Mum” (ha) I nearly die of love. Everyone who meets her says, “Oh, she doesn’t smile much” or “Are you shy?” Yes, she freezes and drops her head and looks to the ground when anybody (outside family) talks and to her – and people just don’t believe me when I say that she is a MAJOR chatterbox, with the cutest sing-song voice. Not yet two, but already I can see a kind, loving nature — she seems to sense when I’m off and knows just what to do.

I squeezed into a pair of jeans the other day, digruntled by the squeeze part – she came up and patted my leg (as she does) “They look fan tas tic” she says. It never ceases to amaze me the language she uses. “Your hair is beautiful Mum”  can you see why I am smitten? She is a natural born charmer who seems to see the beauty in me, that I have trouble finding.  They say even from birth you can see elements of a person’s true soul — and Tansy’s is extremely gentle, sensitive, caring, kind, and she has a great sense of humor. “Mum, I did a Ra!” (and then laughs) Or when we walk down the driveway to collect Monte from the bus “Let’s be dinosaurs” — and so, we do.

She loves to play with Monte “Come get me!” and “Put music on Mum” so she can cut sick around and around and around the loungeroom “Spin me Mum” and I am such a fool for her. Can’t say NO to anything. She has that way. I spend my days crawling like a cat, rolling on the floor, dancing to the Wiggles, or getting under blankets. It is very grounding, and good for the soul to unleash this child part inside, and Tansy helps me let mine out perfectly.

She knows what she will and will not wear. She loves animals. Dogs and cats her favorite. We reminisce often about the zoo. The meer cats, the rhinos, the hippo “Did really big poo!” she recalls — learning this memory from her brother.

She adores Monte and must take “school bag” when we drop him to school, also, she must cart a number of toys into the school too. Then, as if I have a zillion children, I buckle them all into their seatbelts. I hear the words “You’ll make a rod for your back!” coming from somewhere, but – yes I even stopped the car once to fix Miss Mouse’s belt and make sure the doggy was comfortable.They come with us for coffee too.

My love for her has no limits. She is such a beautiful soul. I had to write something down as we lead up to her second birthday. I didn’t want to ever forget what she was like at this magical age where we can have little chats and understand each other. But we’ve always understood each other. Right from the get-go. And I’m loving that.

 

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Is This Thing On? Two, Two

I have a pressing urge to blog, create, share. I am not sure if I should try and revamp this ol’ Sharnanigans or start a new website all together. I am reminded of my own catchphrase about the grass being greener where I water it. Should I just give THIS space some watering or start afresh? I feel a bit meh about here, want to go in a new direction. I want to share arty things, funny things, inspiring people and my own memoirs. What should I do?

ps: While I am here let me tell you that this morning as we walked Mont to the bus-stop he gave Tansy a cuddle and she said “I love you Mont” as he got on the bus. Next to the rainy puddle with gumnuts in it, was my heart officially melted.

Here are some recent pics:

 

Monte's amazing penguin that he received a merit card for! Proud!

 

Lovely girl hanging outside

 

Things I am looking forward to:

Doing creativity inspiration course with Pip alongside my friend Rosa who I met on Pinterest. How new-age huh! Love her style and inspired by her always, so this makes sense!

Having a crack (literally) at Yoga at home

Just being creative — I have an urge to paint, create, learn all of a sudden. Is the Sun in Jupiter?

How are you?

What should I do with my blog – revamp? Start a new one?

What do you want to read about from me? Probably not all about me…… what about if I wrote about other things? How very, very novel.

Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?

 

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Starting School

Why can’t I find the words to express how I feel about him starting school in 3 days? Why can’t I find the words?

Why, last night as I lay on the lounge half-watching tele with Dave did the tears arrive and I excused myself. “I’m going to jump into his bed and cuddle him” he just looked at me, knowingly.

These last few weeks Monte and I have yelled at each other a lot. Our relationship has struggled, and evolved, and struggled. A lot of it has been due to my own issues, I have seen my own anxiety, fear and anger reflected back at me, from my little boy – and it pushed my buttons. I have discovered just how much our children are reflectors that show us when we are on the right track. They  are the greatest motivators for self-improvement.

The last five years has been his preparation ground for ‘the world out there’. We have tried to give him a grounding of security and unconditional love. Like all parents, we have succeeded and failed. We are humans  after all.

I know that Monte is smart, social, polite, at times shy, creative, boisterous, head-strong, sometimes angry.

Since the day he was born he has consumed my heart, and my mind.

In him I see the best and worst of me. He is my spiritual teacher, my entertainer, my button-pusher, my eyeball-licking kisser (I hate that!) my king of the cheeky comeback, my rebel without a cause. He makes his bed before he is up, makes his own toast and lathers it with too much butter.

We fought about that today.

“Mum, for the sake of all things, how can we fight about butter?! It’s ridiculous really”

He is as profound as he is frustrating. He is smart, has a great vocab “Pop, why did some teenagers randomly walk past your window?”

As a family we have faced challenging times of late. We have had lolly-pops and dancing in the sprinklers alongside stressful times featuring probably too much yelling and frazzle.

YesterdayMonte made an Egyptian themed card for Cowboy, he wrote all our names inside. He asked me to write the following words inside :

“It will take a family effort to destroy the monsters, the forever-knights, we must defeat them before we die!”

Sharni, Tansy, Monte, Dad

“Prophetic?” Dave had asked me.

My hopes for him as he begins school is that he falls in love with learning.

I hope he makes some really great pals that he can laugh with and grow with.

I hope he finds a subject  for which time stands still while he is engaged with it.

I hope he is respectful to his teachers and his friends and is well-liked.

I hope he’ll eat something other than a ham sandwich for lunch? Perhaps try a tomato?

I hope he has a patient teacher who can help him with self-discipline and patience in a way I feel I have not been so good with.

I hope that he will be confident, know he is loved, and safe to be himself in  new territory.

I hope he will maintain his sense of humour, curiosity, and that his imagination strengthens.

I hope he remains true to himself no matter what kind of tests or measures are thrown at him.

I hope…… he will enjoy and look forward to going to school most days. I hope he knows what he means to me.

If not flick through this blog my boy. Now go forth, be yourself and I wish you nothing but the best. xxxx

 

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Inspiration of the Random Kind

I am feeling a lot stuck at the moment, completely out of touch with my own feelings. Annoyed with myself because I’m not writing, creating, transforming, damnit! Drowning in a sea of overwhelm. A lot going on in head, not a lot of sleep. I  feel the need to punch out a post and get to the bottom of it but that is overwhelming too! So, , instead I’ll share with you some interesting things I’ve found around the net that have inspired in some way. Hope you like them. Please say Hi!

Ten Signs You’ve Found Your Calling - this post reminds me that writing and creating are my calling as I can relate but it has fallen by the wayside. How about you, have you found yours?

This resonated a lot:

by rocketrictic on Flickr

 

This time of year, in particular, I feel immense pressure to lose weight, drink green things, quit sugar and lose that unsightly belly fat! Alas,

Cowboy is handy with a pallet. He has built a reclining chair and a toybox of late! This is what I have requested for my birthday (coming up, please send presents to my PO Box)

but with  furnishings like this to boot:

On another tangent altogether here is something I plan to do. How to make your own non-toxic cleaning kit 

Could you make me these?

Don’t these look yummy? Fresh Corn Cakes with Avo & Goats Cheese Salsa…. 

I could share a lot more with you, but that will do for now. Hope you found some inspiration. I’m an avid pinner — you can follow me on Pinterest here - are you on there too?

As for me, i’ll post when I can

 

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The Year of The Rat

2013 has been one of the most challenging years of my life. I can’t pinpoint what made it so, but am going to attempt a wrap-up here of the challenges I’ve faced this year and how I’m going to learn from them.

Having two little children is like running a marathon every day. 

It really, truly is. This year – I haven’t looked after my health very well – I have been ‘getting through’ from sun up to sun down (sound familar?)

At the start of the year, I, like so many of us do, fell for the “12 week weight-loss challenge” hoo-ha, and put additional pressure on myself to take off as much weight as possible in 12 weeks. I was pumping out boot-camps at the crack of dawn , while still breastfeeding and coming home vomiting.

During the challenge I dropped about 7kgs – and throughout the whole process was overcome with guilt about what I ate, what I didn’t eat, how much exercise I didn’t do, how much weight I should be losing …. in short, it made me feel like shit!

Needless to say, I showed them and didn’t return to the gym! Ha!  And I haven’t been game to set on a scale but I think some of those 7kgs missed me and came back to Mama. Nawwwww!

Lesson: Don’t fall for “Do X Quick Schemes” while they can work for some, mostly it is a get rich quick scheme for the business. Life changes don’t happen in 12 week time slots!

I went from 12 weeks of slogging it to the rest of the year eating cupcakes for lunch , having no energy, looking like I’m 103 and when bedtime finally arrives…………….. jumping on pinterest til midnight. Rinse and repeat. Insert bouts of cranky Mama flying off the handle than suffering continual mother guilt because HANG ON I want to parent consciously, gently, not like a nutcase.

“Mum, I love you even though you are crackers” is a true and non-made-up quote from Monte.

So, in short — I have made the year more challenging than a 12 week challenge. It has been a year long challenge and if I’m honest – I feel like crap because all my energy has gone into the kids. All my emotional energy and physical energy – and while I love being their Mum, you don’t make friends with cupcakes. Oh hang on, yes I do. But, to survive the marathon that is raising two spritely ones I need to make friends with salad.

I don’t give a shit about looking hot in a bikini you bastards, I just want some energy and  I want to be a better role model. When Monte asks for lollies constantly the word FAILURE flashes like the red-man when you shouldn’t be walking across the road.

I have to make time to eat properly and not run on sugar and caffeine.I’m pretty sure mine is an age-old story. Let me know if you are out there and this is resonating.

This year has been tough with illness in the family – we’ve had some really tough times and sad news and with matters like these, you are always re-evaluating what actually matters. Love, family, people, connection is truly all that does.

This year has been tough in a lot of ways , but in equal measure, it has been beautiful, and I’m sure there has been a lot of character growth that I don’t realise yet. When you are a rat on a wheel it’s hard to stop and reflect on what is actually going on. I hate being a rat on a wheel. No More.

Too much reacting, not enough creating.

Next year is going to be the year of “Making My Health A Priority and Creating, Creating, Creating”

How does that grab you? How has your year been? Challenging? Awesome? Any lessons you care to share?

ps – I have post traumatic stress syndrome from literally finding a drowned rat in the laundry sink this year. This was my burned to my brain symbol of this year. EWWWWWW and as Monte hollered “Mum, it has big whiskers like a Walrus!” Kill me now.

pps – I reckon yucky, hard years generally proceed a better one. Can anyone back this up?

 

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