Tonight I just lay in bed with him. Normally we read a book, well mostly Cowboy takes him to bed and they read, and add things up and draw 3D shapes.
But tonight I got to do the honors. Instead of continuing Enid Blyton’s The Wishing Chair – he wanted to do some drawing. “You really like drawing don’t you?”
“Like it? I absolutely love it!” he said.
So I sat in bed with him and he showed me different pictures he had already drawn. Mostly monsters, and ghosts oh and a Monster Truck.
Then he had pages where he had written lots of words and ‘ticked’ them off. I remember doing this as a kid too. Playing school.
As he showed me through his book – I really placed myself into the moment.
“This is my boy, showing me who he is” I thought to myself.
I made a conscious decision to not intervene, talk over him – but just to listen.
I noticed how cute his nose was and a couple of freckles on his face. I had never noticed freckles there before.
He drew me a picture of a castle with a bat and a vampire on top.
He Â told me it was Science Day at school today, he regretted looking into one of the glass jars because it had a spider in it, and he thought the spider would visit his dreams.
“Even if I try really hard not to think about it – it still won’t go away”
I thought this was a good opportunity to talk about the fact we all have a spider that won’t go away. Sometimes the more we try and make the spider goes away, the bigger and creepier it gets – the more it demands our attention.
I told him something I have only just learnt and wish someone taught me at 5.
“There is no point trying to make the spider go away – just acknowledge it. “Hey Spider” if he wants to hang around , let him hang around.”
I then encouraged him to take some mind-photos of all the happy places and things he knows.
“Where is your favorite place to be?”
He went through – home, Pop and Noon’s, Tumbarumba – I asked him to think of something that made him laugh and he said “When Tansy dances!”
He had fun taking photos of all these memories in his mind. Â I told him to keep adding to that file everytime something good happens – to take a mind-pic and add it to the files. It won’t make the spider go away, but it will help you see that although there is a creepy spider it is way outnumbered by awesome stuff!
Yes, I took notes for myself as my inner Swami made a spontaneous appearance.
Most of the time as a parent I feel I’m doing it wrong (aren’t we all) I have no idea if what we talked about tonight stuck – but I really hope it did.
It was more than just a speech, the last week we have been talking about things we are grateful for at dinner. I think this is so important. Stockpiling the joy to keep the spider in the jar at bay.
I’m listening to an audiobook ‘Parenting from the Inside Out” — it has really made me realise how important it is for me to write about these experiences, reflect and make sense of interactions. So, that is why I blogged again today.