The last couple of weeks I haven’t felt at ease in my Mama role.
I have been biting off more than I could chew with commitments (self-made), feeling stressed, fluey, and run ragged.
I have been giving myself a hard-time, sleeping very little and you know – dwelling in cranky territory.
Sadly, in this cranky zone – I was not giving off good Mama vibes which is probably why Monte clung like glue and said “Mum, Mum, Mum ” 30505062995 times in 24 hours – which made me feel like I was going to crack.
Why?
Because I had overloaded myself with ‘stuff to do’, and who suffered? All and sundry.
Of course, this crankiness led to feelings of immense guilt on my part.
How dare I feel frustrated and downright annoyed because Monte takes off around the house at the speed of light while I am trying to dress him?
You know the sort of guilt for frustrations that are pretty normal but could be minimised with a bit of self-help.
Why should Monte have to suffer for my own self-made frustrations?
Why should anyone?
Hell, why should I?
Paris Hilton was onto something when she decided to experiment with the “Simple Life’.
There is a lot to be said for uncomplicating your own life and keeping your feelings of being overwhelmed in check.
So after a couple of weeks with the song “Don’t push me cos I’m close to the edge…” in my head I knew that I had to make some swift changes.
Whatever was stressing me needed to go.
Quite frankly a stressed mother equates to a mother who can’t be in the present.
Damnit, I want to be in the present – I miss so much when I’m dwelling in other timezones.
So today Monte and I danced.
I held him in my arms and we rocked out.
Yep I sung (he loves it, I swear) we were close – (he was heavy but I persevered) and I felt the worries of the world melt away (I no longer cared that I failed at making playdough).
It was just Monte and I in the whole universe.
We were happy, we were together.
Connected.
Present.
It sometimes leaves me feeling giddy when I consider that to my son I am the world.
I owe it to him to make every effort to ensure that his world is as happy and positive as I can consciously make it.
Sure, I know he needs to learn that life has its ups and downs – but where I can take control I will.
I am fully aware of what I need to do and if in doubt, or if ‘stuff’ starts getting on top of me, please feel free to remind me to channel Lady Gaga, grab Monte and…
Just Dance.
5 Comments
oh honey, i am SO glad you and Monte had this moment today together, it’s what life is all about.
much love to you both x
Yup, there is nothing better to shake out the stress than via shaking your thang and laughing your head off with your offspring.
I have just returned from my 11 years old cousin’s Disco Party and watching 15 or so kids (mainly special needs) and their Mums all rock out and do the Nutbush together was a thing of beauty… :)
It’s 1 am and I am very present with my 3 year old watching Dora. Sick confession? Am having fun. Our body clocks are all twisted thanks to the flu but I’m loving eating cheerios in the middle of the night.
(Please don’t post anything interesting for the next 20 hours…I will be asleep)
Dancing is such a wonderful form of play and celebration. And what a great gift for Monte! Our kids love love love to dance with mom and dad. When they were younger, we would sometimes put on music in the evening and slow dance while we held them to get them to settle down. They usually calmed right down and went quickly to sleep after that. And I think it also helps us switch from our left brains to our right brains, so we can stop worrying and just be in the moment.
:) what a joy!