It has been a tough week.
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a local man who committed suicide leaving a young family behind.
I didn’t know him very well, but I would stop and say “Hello” if I passed him on the street. A lovely, friendly man.
A very popular man in town.
I had a nice encounter with him about two weeks ago that is so fresh in my mind.
At the local supermarket, I turned up one morning completely out of everything breakfasty.
It was 7am, and he was putting the bread on the shelves at the supermarket. He was the bread delivery man you see.
“Oh no! You don’t have crumpets!” I said
“No, don’t think so” he said
“Bummer, had a craving for them!” I said ” Ahh its ok I’ll cope with bread” I joked.
As I was going through the checkout he came running in from outside and told the check-out girl to “Stop the press!” and he had found me a packet of crumpets.
“You gotta have them if you are craving them” he said.
“Thank-you so much!” I said – sincerely stoked by this gesture.
We both smiled.
A small, lovely gesture that made my morning that started out flustered, happy.
Little did i know that this lovely, thoughtful man was suffering depression.
You just never know who is suffering.
Sometimes the face we put on in public is very different to the face we put on when no-body is around.
His death had a profound effect on me, it brought back many painful memories.
My best friend from school’s Dad did the same.
I had a strong urge to attend the funeral.
As harrowing as it was, and as little as I knew him – I felt I wanted to pay my respects.
As part of the community, it affects us all.
I also wanted to pay my respects to a man who had obviously suffered with something I have felt the pangs of.
I wanted to pay my respects to a man who showed me a random act of kindness
I wanted to share my grief with a community that all felt the pain of this loss.
I wanted to band together in support with the community for the family and friends.
Today I have woken deaf in one ear, frustrated and impatient with Monte with unstoppable tears.
My sadness comes and goes.
I have been trialling different methods to help me get on top of it because yes, depression can take a hold.
It can take hold of me, it can take hold of you – it can take hold of people you speak to and pass on the street daily.
Nearly everyone you meet has been affected by depression in one way or the other. Either they have experienced it themselves, or they have cared for somebody suffering with it.
All of the events of this week have bought home loud and clear one fact:
If you live in a small country town, and you suffer bouts of depression — you are massively disadvantaged.
There are very few resources out here to help somebody suffering. No support groups and only one doctor.
Since living in this town I have known so many men, in particular, who have gone this tragic way.
Who knows who else is suffering?
How many more suicides is it going to take for mental health of Rural Australians, and in fact Australians everywhere to be treated with the seriousness it deserves?
11 Comments
Powerful post Sharni, I’m so sorry for the loss of this lovely sounding man. Good on you for taking a cyber-stand, it sounds like cages need to be rattled in Rural Australia and you’ve made an excellent start. Take care of yourself inside and out and thank you for raising such an important, endemic issue. Kia kaha
Nice post Sharni! I’ve recently waded my way through the depths of depression and it’s really not a nice place… And one I never thought I’d visit. The mental health system in rural Australia is an absolute joke! When I first saw my G.P she gave me a referral to a psychologist. It took all I had to just pick up the phone and call… Only to leave a message that wasn’t returned for 3 days and to be told that she didn’t have an available appointment for almost 3 months! Thankfully, there was a back up option and it’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Now I see light at the end of the tunnel (certainly a million times better than I was 6 months ago)… And I’m very thankful to realize it is a tunnel… and not a hole – that’s certainly how it appeared at the time.
Something certainly needs to be done… Depression isn’t a dirty word and the one thing I’ve learnt is that by being open about my experience has allowed my friends and family to be open and not ashamed about their own experiences. Turns out Talk isn’t as cheap as they would have you believe!
That is great Karls, there is something magic about opening up you soon realise how common depression it is, you’d be more of a freak if you were never depressed!
Great post, Sharni! Mental health reform is a cause I’m passionate about. The level of care in the major centres of Australia is shameful, so I can only guess that it’s appalling in rural Australia.
Prof. Patrick McGorry, Australian of the Year 2010, has been pushing for reform and led a large campaign, unfortunately it was due to be presented to parliament when Rudd was ousted so the impact was lost. The Prof was an advisor to the government but resigned as he felt his concerns weren’t being heard. It is definitely something a spotlight needs to be shone on.
Mental illness affects so many, but the stigma and the lack of care available means that many suffer in silence. This just should not be.
As you may know from my blog, I too lost a friend to suicide a little less than two months ago. The shock and grief for those who knew him was overwhelming. He was receiving care, in fact he was discharged from a psych unit went home and killed himself. Why he was released when it was obvious he was a danger to himself, we’ll never truly know. The pressure put on psych units are enormous. The demand for places and the small number of places available mean that the number of mentally ill homeless people rise and the number of suicides rise. It is truly sad.
Mental illness is an ILLNESS. Can you imagine if a cancer patient or someone with heart disease was treated with such disdain?
tHANKS for your comment Corinne, i am sorry for your loss, truly tragic – lets hope Prof McGorry can get some spotlight back.
Depression is the loss of hope-for the future and that things will improve. So sad that some see the only way out of what they percieve to be a hopeless situation is suicide. You are right Sharni more needs to be done in rural areas. This point was made in the run up to the election. Perhaps online help is the answer. There are some really good sites that offer help, support, advice and education about mental illness and mental health. BeyondBlue.org.au has some really targeted information on the special challenges of depression in rural areas. They have a downloadable paper on the initiatives that have been started to address the problem of depression in rural areas. Spread the word!
Great post Sharni! It’s hard enough finding someone to talk to here, let alone in the OHT. I can imagine it would be very difficult. It’s so sad that so many people feel like they have no other choice.
Excellent post. Every little bit of talk about it helps. I will link this on my blog.
Thanks BB appreciate it
Wonderful post Sharni. It is so true that you never know who is suffering from this illness as they will often hide it from everyone. Finding the right care can be difficult enough in the cities so I can only imagine how hard it must be in rural areas.
This is very sad to read, however, I’m also reading lots of complaints that more needs to be done, it’s not good enough, etcetera. But what’s the solution? It’s not lack of funding, it’s lack of personnel. It’s a tough industry to work in – as Corinne points out, the pressure on psych units is enormous – there’s little support from within as well as from outside. With little financial incentive, it’s a job few people sign up for. Particularly in rural areas where they are away from their own support networks. I’m not sure what the solution is but I suspect it needs to start with the community.