Have been trotting roughly, but surely the ground is smoother soon
The last couple of weeks, my eyes have twitched, my nostrils have been stuffed, my hearing in one ear gone – I blacked out and went numb while driving.
I visited hospital three, yes, three times in one week.
I attended the funeral of a man who had taken his own life.
Surrounding these symptoms life has felt more challe ging than usual, culminating with me having a chat via Skype to a mental health professional in Wagga yesterday.
Yesterday I felt I had officially lost my ‘proverbial’.
It wasn’t from the eye, nose, ear stuff that made me depressed.
It has been lurking in the background for some time now – getting particularly fierce around ‘that time of the month.’
Yesterday I was convinced the Cowboy was going to leave me, flatout convinced.
I cried all day, he was suffocating.
I called Access Line, I went to the hospital and spoke to a lady in Wagga.
Today I start the anti-depressants I so wanted to avoid, but I do need them right now.
Combined with great nutrition, exercise, a little counselling and blogging I am determined to be back to my grass watering finest really soon.
The woes of the real world and uncertain futures and presents will hopefully become clear, and the Cowboy and I will get past another hurdle on the road to learning and growing in our relationship.
One day at a time, I’ve got to take it one day at a time.
Having recently attended a funeral for someone who committed suicide, i find it important to blog honestly and openly about depression.
I am not ashamed, I am human and each time I fall down, I learn something valuable, even when it really really hurts at the time.
11 Comments
Oh Sharni, for those of us who love to follow you, this “rough trot” isn’t a huge surprise, you have had the world on your shoulders, you have had so many hurdles to jump, all while trying to be a mum (no doubt a fabulous one), a partner (ditto) and while trying to look after your own body and health. It sounds like you have a lovely support network in OHT, as well as us out here in cyber-land. The big advantage that you have compared with many who have had periods of depression, is that you recognise in yourself a problem and you go actively looking for a solution. That my girl, is why you will get through this patch. Hopefully you’ll fly through it. And continue to fly! Take care, and big cyber-hugs.
thanks so much Lisa, I will fly through this I am determined x
Thanks for your honesty Sharni. There’s never anything wrong with reaching out and asking for help. Take it slowly and be gentle on yourself, it’ll will all fall back into place.
Thanks sister!
All the best Sharni.
Sharni, just wanted to publicly give you my support. Take good care of yourself and I hope the sun is shining brightly soon. xx
Be kind, be kind, be kind… to YOURSELF
It is truly amazing how our bodies cry out for us to slow down and take care of our souls: ears, nose, eyes, and finally a complete “NO”. I’m so happy you are heading the message and taking care of yourself. Although your virtual community is a blessing, please stay grounded in those your can hear, smell, and see.
Love the picture of the little, wobbly-legged foal you attach here. Pretty soon she will forget just how difficult it was to get her feet under her and will be running like the wind with nary a thought for what it once took just to walk.
Hi,
Thank you for your honesty Sharni. I really admire your bravery in blogging about this all too common issue which many of us face at some point in life. It’s a slow and stumbling journey back to wholeness but I have no doubt that you will arrive a stronger, wiser and more fabulous woman. Stick with it, one baby step at a time.
My heart goes out to you and I am wishing you all the love and support you need. Please post on this as often as you feel will be helpful for you, as we are all here to listen and support you.
Xoxo
Thinking of you xx Ems
Hi Sharni, have just read this post. I hope you are beginning to feel stronger. I admire you for speaking out about depression. We all struggle through at times. You will get through, use all your support systems, I am sure you help people at times and this is just your low time so lean on who you have too. Living in the bush with kids after a busy, social life in the city is a hard come down to earth, I know all about that. You are not alone in your struggle. Take care
BushBelles