It’s A Girl!

“It’s a girl” the uncharismatic ultra-sound lady blended into her narrative while prodding my tummy.

Then went about her prodding as if she had just told me it was five past ten.

Cowboy and I looked at each other and smiled.

“I don’t want it to be a girl” Monte said defiantly.”It is just Timmet!”

The Ultrasound lady continued pushing and prodding the instrument around my tummy, the urge to go to the loo increasing with each prod –

We looked at the screen to see alien-like signs of life, there were two arms, two legs, a head, bladder, kidney — yep all the bits were there.

“A girl”.

I knew it was going to be a girl.

I didn’t know it was going to be a boy with Monte.

But I knew Timmet was going to be a girl.

Of course I am happy, I’d be happy either way — but I feel a little nervous and unfamiliar.

There are things about having a girl baby that bother me, not with the person themselves, but the way ‘girl’ babies are generally presented.

I despise when they are automatically called Princesses, or every thing they wear has to be pink, or when they have a flower on their bald heads bigger than their bald heads as if to shout to the universe “My head must be adorned with lots of big flowers and clips to prove that I am a girl, because being a girl is all about looking pretty”

I think its the emphasis on pretty that starts as a newborn and doesn’t feel like it ends.

Oh I know, I’m probably being melodramatic but this is what instantly comes to mind for me. I’m sparing no punches – this is how I feel today.

I’m seeing a sea of pink cliches.

I don’t want my girl to feel she needs to be any kind of pink cliche!

Being a female has always scared me in ways.

Sometimes I feel I have wholeheartedly grabbed every female issue and made it my own, I have enjoyed my journey, but God have I put myself through the mill over some of the issues, self-made or otherwise that come with carrying our certain chromosomes.

How on Earth am I going to help a new human-being navigate her way through the rocky roads of being a girl?

I know her and I are meant to be together. I know I will love her madly and one day  look back upon this post and laugh at my first gut reaction while probably stuffing giant pretty clips into her hair and fluffing up her pink tu-tu.

Right now, I feel , yes, unfamiliar –  still waiting for the news to sink in.

I guess, I have become too comfortable with ‘having a boy’.

Oh don’t get me wrong – I know having a baby girl is glorious and perfect, and my gift from the heavens and there are many women who would kill to be in my shoes. Make no mistake I am grateful for this gift!

But, right now it also feels a little bit scary, and as my friend April put it – I’m  just a little bit ‘shakin’ in my boots’.